eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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