well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
