watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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