I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
