you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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