fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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