My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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