That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
