Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
