i love accidental penises.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
