I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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