On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
