is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
