Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
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omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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