I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
