Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
