I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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