I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
