Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
