I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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