Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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