no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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