11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
