dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
