Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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