everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
