I met the friendliest cop last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
