I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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