Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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