Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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