I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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