If that was your dad, he is hot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
