I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
