what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
