At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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