I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
