Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
