We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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