He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wanna passion pit in your ass
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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