so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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