His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
