Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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