HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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