I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
