was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
