u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
