i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
