Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
