The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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