Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
