you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
