It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
