What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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