When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
