New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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