I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
