Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
