Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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