she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
