Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
