Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bring money and cleavage
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
