...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
