I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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