Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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