it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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