I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
