I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
