I accidentally burped into my bong.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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