either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
