Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
