I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're like the curious george of whores
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
