OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
