i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
