I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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