I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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