I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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