he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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