I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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