I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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