I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
