I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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