Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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