Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
