I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
