He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
