i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
