a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
